Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A tribute: The stupid things actors hear....

Things "civilians" say to actors (and probably shouldn't):

How do you know what to do with your hands when you're up there on stage?

How do you memorise all those lines?

Wow, that was really "something."

After a show, a woman comes RUNNING into the Green room, grabs my face and says, "I can FIX your nose!"

You should get a "real" job so you know what it's like to go to work every day.

My favorite..."so what DOES the Director do anyway?"

Well, to we voice over folk, a least favorite phrase is "Do you act, too?" *sigh*

Once I did a show in age make up, a lead. After I came out I was asked "Were you in the show, too?"

Oh! Or the ever popular... "Were you ever in [fill in the blank]? Now THAT was a show!"

That costume makes you look fat.

You sure sweat a lot .

The one that makes me crazy, "I've always thought of trying that."
Sure, it's easy. Give it a try.

"i did a play in high school!"

Or the ever popular, "What have I seen you in?"

I guess the camera doesn't add 10 pounds.

Wow you ARE smaller in person...

Nice costume!

"Why don't you just do a bunch of commercials at least to make some money"......yeah duh! why didnt I think of that!

Ha ha ha ha!!!! This is friggin' hilarious! After a performance of Caberet & strutting around on stage for over an hour in little more than a bikini, a little old lady approached me, during the lobby meet & greet we were required to do after the show, and she said "You were really nice." I stayed skinny to wear that & dry hump a chair so I could be nice.

Oh, where to start.
"What movie have I seen you in?" "Actually, I do theater." (very apologetic in her misunderstanding) "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were an actor."

(Gushing) "You were soooo great. We loved it. Everyone looked like they knew their lines."

And in interactive theater where we deliberately create "Harvey Korman" break the 4th wall moments -- "It was real good. (in a hushed tone) But not everybody stayed in character."

AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE: "Is that your real butt?"

acting is not a real job, its a hobby, right?

To a director: You should tell the actors to speak louder.

"How do you get so funny?" As if that's answerable.

"So when are you going to get a REAL job?"

"What TV shows have I seen you in?"

Unfortunately, I've gotten this one a few times: "So, uh...heh heh heh...are those tits real?" Sigh.

I recently told a friend that I'd quit acting and she said, "Wow, R! That's like me giving up scrap-booking!!"

oh! Or once my Mom suggested that I come with her to meet Glenn Close so she could see if I "have something!" (like herpes?)

I always get...Why don't you just go be in a movie?

For the first ten years of my marriage, my husband kept waiting for me "to grow up."

Have I seen you in anything?

For Actors: Uh huh, yeah, but what's your other job?

And I have to throw one in for Stage Managers of course!

-What do you do?
... See More
-I'm a Stage Manager.
-Oh, so like... you want to be an actor?

I remember, we're doing the Scottish play at PAC and as Hecate I'm holding my arm out like Darth Vader and across the stage Di is very dramatically choking and rising up....very scary. And they asked ME how I did that.

Various Contributors. Please keep adding!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's.... My Dad!

My father is an extraordinary man. His public face is that of SuperDR, efficient, brilliant, able to soothe a patient in a single visit. His family face is a little bit more Clark Kent. Fun, kooky, slightly nuts. Abuelito is adored by his grandchildren and children alike.
His main interest in life is his family. He might follow sports, or TV shows, but he drops everything when his family needs him. Come to think of it I don't think he follows sports.
He IS obsessed with the French language, and watched movies with the French turned on, which can be terribly disorienting while watching action films, where most of the dialog consists of grunts and groans. But those are French dubbed grunts and groans, which can elicit giggles from the less advanced of us in the family.
He is also a poet, and I hope he publishes them, or at least puts them up on a blog like this one so they can be read by the wider public. Writers need an audience too, dad!
One crystal clear memory of my Dad that made a huge impression on me: We were at Disneyland waiting to get in, impatient, excited, and in my case, surly since I was a preteen and desperate to be cool. An elderly woman had a fainting spell, her family panics, my dad puts on his cool, collected Doctor face, assists the woman, calms the family, makes sure the situation is well in hand as paramedics arrive, then gets back in line with us, shedding his SuperDr persona and going back to being our beloved, befuddled Papi.
I love you, Papi. We are a better place for you and your superpowers.