No matter how often I try to convince myself that, "It's not you, they decided to go a different way..." it feels like a rejection of my soul.
Most auditions I brush off, I really don't care, I've trained myself not to care. But sometimes... you think it's a sure thing, you are told it's a sure thing, you plan around said sure thing... then not a phone call, or an email to let you know, "They've gone a different way." I know I'm not the first actor nor the last to have this happen, but it's shabby.
I almost didn't renew my Equity card this year. But hell, I've been told I suck by very fancy people, so here I am, putting on the big girl panties and shellacking the armor and going out to get the work.
The worst part for me, is I am teaching some really talented kids, and it breaks my heart, but I can't tell them the truth: You are going to be judged first by the way you look, your ethnicity, and THEN by your talent. It never gets any better, or at least I haven't seen it yet. Color blind casting has not happened, tokenism casting has, and that is that.