Sunday, September 03, 2006

Bibs and Bobs


This is the Tykes face. He looks like an alien out of Close Encounters, but the sonogram-ista assured me he was "cute"...

I was 2 months along on the AIDS ride, excuse me very much, but I rock!

I'm very plump of belly, so plump that the sweet, considerate father of my child serenades me with the song... "Tub-e-lina, dance, not so tiny thing, Tub-e-lina you're so very large, when you flit around the house you are a barge...." When he brings me my morning teaspoon of coffee.

Last night I worked my murder mystery where I play a Can Can dancer. I barely squeezed, with the help of many safety pins and a heap-o-discomfort, into my outfit. Then when I pick up my foot and hold it over my head, ballerina style, like I ALWAYS do, and did 2 weeks ago before anyone KNEW I was preggo., the entire cast freaked and I got scolded for trying to do too much. I feel about as sexy as Dick Cheney.

The prenatal yoga is a snoozer. A bunch of rolly polly ladies-who-lunch, chanting OM and rubbing their bellies does not a good yoga class make! I'm conceding to this pregnancy thing and not running, not doing cardio and taking Yoga 1, nice and easy and no cobras or tummy poses. To quote a pal, "isn't downward facing dog how you got into this mess in the first place?" I don't know what to make of this don't lie on your back thing. I'm comfy on my back!... Yes..ok That IS how I got into this mess....

And..oh.. the problem of what to wear! I have 1 pair of shorts and 1 pair of jeans. I like Forever 21 for tops even if they are Christian crackerboxes. But the tops are way cute and princess waisted and over sized, just perfect for the pregnant unwed mother. It just cracks me up that they are purveyors of such SLUTTY clothing, but they still put their bible quote on the bottom of your bag. It's like In-and-Out burger is also constantly preaching from it's greasy food containers. How effective is french fry evangelizing anyway? Any hard data on people who lard up on burgers and then sing hallelujah? This is one weird country...

Anyhoo. I'm fat, I'm still stressed, we are trying to figure out where to live, and I only look cute in a bikini, cause that way at least you KNOW my delicate condition as opposed to just thinking, "gawd what a fatso!" And the tyke is learning to tap dance on my pancreas... Whee... isn't pregnancy fun!!!???!!!

4 comments:

Sonja O'Leary said...

Soon it will be Bibs and Boobs" (just thought I'd warn you) ;-)

demondoll said...

Can you do cardio in the pool, like aqua aerobics? I can't remember if it's safe or not.
BTW- I bet you are beautiful as ever.

demondoll said...

You know, I can't read those ultrasound things at all. When I got one of The Boy, the technician was, "Isn't he cute?" I thought I was looking at an Easter Isle statue.
But that is beside the point. If he resembles you at all, he will be Gorgeous. You may have to name him George, for Gorgeous George!

VS said...

Dance, Cheney, dance!! (Sigh...a sweet surreal thought.) Your sonnogram is cute...a touch Geigeresque, but the little tyke's got a tough act to follow in the cute department.