Nicu nights

I awaken the next morning, unrecognizably puffy from crying. My Doctor has JUST been informed that the baby has been moved to another hospital and he is pretty mad that no one informed him the night before. He decides for my sanity and well being as well as the baby's to release me 3 days early so I can go and be with Lionel.
I feel like absolute hell. I still look pregnant, I can't pee without pain and I can barely see through my swollen eyelids, but as Ddoll said, it's not about me anymore. My bikini area is stapled together, but I actually feel pretty OK and am able to move fairly well.
Again my memory fails me, I'm not sure how or when I was let out of the hospital, the next thing I clearly remember is going up into the NICU and seeing my Mom with Lionel. He had his diaper on and was so scrawny looking. He was hooked up to all sorts of monitors, but he looked just fine. Looking around I realized how lucky we were.Lionel didn't look half as sick as some of those tiny little creatures. However they wanted to keep him for four long days of observation.
The NICU is where I realize how much I LOATHE pumping. Moo.
T and I get to hold and feed the baby as much as we want, but going home without him is so sad. I am a wreck. The whole postpartum blues thing hits and it hits bad.
On Christmas day we are finally allowed to take Lionel home. He has an absolutely clean bill of health, and to be honest we are still not entirely sure what went wrong. He is strapped into his car seat, all the toys he has been given from kind hospital volunteers are gathered and he is put into a little red wagon and toted downstairs and we get to go home!
Lionel and Alfie my Mini become fast friends.
Me however.... I'm amazed they gave me the baby and now I'm afraid I'm going to break him!