Thursday, March 16, 2006

Just a thought...

You know, they say you never know a person until you walk a mile in their shoes. Here's a walk in mine:
Up at 6am to drive to an elementary school, perform once, perhaps twice. Lunch at 11am, then another show. Sometimes I go straight from the school to a murder mystery gig. Home maybe before midnight, then the day starts again. I am constantly worrying about where my next paycheck is going to spring. As you ALL know, it's hard to live out here in LA on the money an actor makes. Anyway, I am constantly exhausted and perhaps not as attentive to my friendships as I should be. I love T and I love Laguna Beach, but I am isolated from my friends by the vagaries of freeways. I miss my friends, girlfriends especially. I work with men, and they just don't GET it when one needs girl time.
I recently had a bit of a blow, regarding a friendship. I feel like I'm in mourning.
So this morning I arrive at work, it's been a LOONG drive, I've been awake most of the night feeling a little sad and low. I sing a pretty ballad in Spanish(translated by my lovely dad), it's kinda sad. And BOOM... A tear drops down my face. On stage. Total meltdown. I barely get through the last five minutes of the show and the boys, bless 'em, all look like I am carrying a nuclear weapon. They back away slowly, and frightened at the depth of femaleness (tears). The stage manager kindly lets me go. I bawl my eyes out in my beloved car. I call my girlfriends, and by GOD they rally me. P is fierce and lovely and C is kind and gentle, my sister lends a sympathetic ear with no judgment and I realize... There are women out there who still love me. It's hard. I know I did something "Wrong". But I still need my friends... Sigh
Oh... and I miss my kitty boyz so much.... I love those cats more than my own life.... double sigh.
Well on a brighter note, T and I went Lindy Hoppin' last Saturday... He's a hella good dancer... lucky me! And he knows I've been low so we're going out tonight...
Still It's a bit of a lonely St Paddys Day


yatsu said...

Ya got me as a friend, babe.

demondoll said...

You is a silly girl, and we all love you! xoxo