Not THE Greatest Story Ever Told

Louis XIV

Did you know that Louis XIV's favorite , Athenais, spent MOST of her time as maitress en titré pregnant? And she still had the King in thrall. As a matter of fact, she had clothing designed to enhance her figure as some sort of godess of fecundity. Can't imagine where she got the energy.

Fa La La la BAH!

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored!

I wish I was doing something this holiday season... I just don't have the gift of entertaining myself, never have. I really miss working.

Today I went for the longed for wax... Childbirth will be mere child's play, 'cause at least you get drugs. Explain to me how anyone can take getting ALL of it taken off, please, because I think I would die. 'Course I'm a Mediterranean gal, but heck, Brazilians are a fuzzy people. Do they have no nerves near their girly bits? OW. Getting my furry self under control has been a life long obsession. When I HAD a little discretionary cash I spent it on laser hair removal. And I DO NOT regret it. I'd feel like a gorilla otherwise.

Also got my layers BARELY trimmed. I miss my pixie cut. Why oh why am I letting my mop grow out? T likes long hair, and I am becoming a slave to his preference. He also hates it when I paint my toes anything other than Cherries-in the Snow red, but heck if I'll give up my Walmart toes. I love my tacky toes. I'm hoping someone around here will do leopard spots. With sequins. AND maybe a toe ring.

My shower was very sweet. Beautiful, tasteful... It had a nautical theme! My friend B who threw it for me was an absolute angel, and it was nice to see my pals, although I have to say, I still feel sorta goofy opening baby gifts. I'm still not sure I QUITE believe I'm actually gonna have a baby. I guess I'm in for the shock of my life in about 3 weeks. Poor T, too.

Geeze aren't I fat? I'm doing pilates and jogging like a maniac in all my dreams... Oh vanity thy name c'est MOI.

Don't we both look slightly shell shocked in this picture?

Wow... my arm...looks like an unbaked loaf of French bread.

Huh... At least I have cleavage for the first time in my life.

Yes, now I am tormenting all of you with my faffing and thumb twiddling...

Oy....

bored,bored,bored,bored,bored,bored,bored,bored,bored.

Tick, tick Boom!

As I sit waiting in terror for little TBA to make his entrance onto the scene, I am filled with an overwhellming urge to preen. I desperately need a pedicure, a haircut and a *bikini wax*. I know you probably think me a vain, shallow creature... and you are absolutely right! But let's get real for a second. When is the next time that I will have any sort of a chance to take care of the little peacock that is me? The twelfth of never, that's when. By then I will have come to resemble a rainforest in Brazil, if you receive my meaning. Plus I'm missing REAL yoga, I'm retaining Lake Erie, and I resemble Orson Wells. Something must be done. I just don't know how I am to get the longed for grooming done... I'm not supposed to get my feet massaged, I may regret any hair brained haircut I decide on and I can't lie on my back long enough for the sadistic Russian lady to do her thing. Oh woe is me...

I am the pregnant Rodney Dangerfield

Case in point: In my last show I was wearing ( I know Demondoll can relate) A white unitard.... I'm pausing so you can all picture this... I am at a low ebb concerning my looks, feeling and looking like the Battleship Potemkin, and yet, I cavorted all of my extra poundage around for weeks, onstage, in a nationally renowned, Tony award winning yet, theatre in a blinding white stretchy, unforgiving, and god-help me if I had to pee, unitard. Oh the humanity!

This is the buggy crew. T is in my favorite color. He looked good in it. I was super jealous. His costumer made the baby a tiny replica of his worm hat.... AWWWWW!!!!

Babystrike proceeds apace. We are slowly and through the delightfully sweet auspices of friends and family, getting everything we need for little Norbert... Bartholomew? Titus?? Anyway one disturbing trend is the preponderance of WARNINGS on every available inch of baby stuff space. The dear little Bassinet/Co-sleeper thingy as much as warns you... do NOT leave your baby unattended in this thing, (huh???) well we had a panic attack and then noticed that the cribs say that, the car seats say that, the baby rockers say that... I guess the companies need to cover their butts by giving already nervous new parents high blood pressure. Not very pleasant or restful, but one does get used to it. Just remember: plastic bags are not toys (duh), baby seats shouldn't be installed in the drivers seat(double duh), and don't get freaked out if you hear your neighbors very saucy cell phone conversations on the baby monitor. It's all par for the course in Babylandia