The Nanny

So...I got cast in a recurring role in "What About Brian", which was a gig I auditioned for in September. Groovy!
I was playing a nanny... and had to scramble to find a nanny to sit my own little darling... Weird.
I do love to work, tho', it's funny, six weeks ago I was in despair thinking I would never work again... now... I guess we will figure it out.
T is incredibly supportive and we juggle our schedules together, so hopefully we will both be able to continue doing what we love to do.
T is great with Lilo and Lilo is crazy about T... last night he was crooning and laughing to the baby and my heart melted, it was so sweet. Fellas... so surprising sometimes!

Nicu nights

I awaken the next morning, unrecognizably puffy from crying. My Doctor has JUST been informed that the baby has been moved to another hospital and he is pretty mad that no one informed him the night before. He decides for my sanity and well being as well as the baby's to release me 3 days early so I can go and be with Lionel.
I feel like absolute hell. I still look pregnant, I can't pee without pain and I can barely see through my swollen eyelids, but as Ddoll said, it's not about me anymore. My bikini area is stapled together, but I actually feel pretty OK and am able to move fairly well.
Again my memory fails me, I'm not sure how or when I was let out of the hospital, the next thing I clearly remember is going up into the NICU and seeing my Mom with Lionel. He had his diaper on and was so scrawny looking. He was hooked up to all sorts of monitors, but he looked just fine. Looking around I realized how lucky we were.Lionel didn't look half as sick as some of those tiny little creatures. However they wanted to keep him for four long days of observation.
The NICU is where I realize how much I LOATHE pumping. Moo.
T and I get to hold and feed the baby as much as we want, but going home without him is so sad. I am a wreck. The whole postpartum blues thing hits and it hits bad.
On Christmas day we are finally allowed to take Lionel home. He has an absolutely clean bill of health, and to be honest we are still not entirely sure what went wrong. He is strapped into his car seat, all the toys he has been given from kind hospital volunteers are gathered and he is put into a little red wagon and toted downstairs and we get to go home!
Lionel and Alfie my Mini become fast friends.
Me however.... I'm amazed they gave me the baby and now I'm afraid I'm going to break him!

CHOC one up

I was OUT like a light. The baby was in the nurses care, T had to go to work, I zonked.
I think... I can't quite remember the order of things. I do remember not being fed until much later the next day, much to the annoyance of Dr W. I also remember that Lionel was not brought in to see me, and I was not really allowed to move around. I was hooked up to an IV and was in quite a bit of pain. My bikini line was a mass of staples and it REALLY hurt to pee thanks to the catheter that my cheery nurse inserted.
I THINK that the grandparents came and visited and that Lionel was brought around very briefly. I THINK I got super annoyed , and waddled my way to the nursery so I could see my son. Then...
The neonatologist comes in and says that the baby might be really ill, and that he would get better care at another hospital. T and I think NO WAY. I'm stuck in South Coast medical till Xmas. It's awfully late in the day. T has to go off to work. We've agreed to keep the baby at this hospital.
Then... confusion. The Dr wants Lionel to be in the NICU at CHOC... Is he really sick? I say do what's best for the baby.... So the Doc goes to make phone calls and my little son is to be taken from me and put in intensive care. I am hysterical. I waddle my way to the nursery when I am allowed so I can spend time with my baby before he is TAKEN AWAY in an incubator. It was like something out of a movie. A crew of people come in, they stick my tiny little boy with an IV, I'm sobbing, they cart him out in a special ambulance, and I collapse. Really. Like if you saw this on stage you would think it was over the top. They had to drug me to put me out.
I have cried like that once, and that was when my Abuelita died. I was unrecognizable the next morning. My face was so puffy I looked like the Elephant man.
I thought I was going to lose Lionel.

NST's and Me

I got sent home that night, even though T was against it and thought I should stay put. But I thought, if I go home now, everything will calm down and the baby will settle and we can go about having him when he was Expected. Ah... the best laid plans.
I come back the next morning for another non stress test. Same nurse, same worried sounds... Doc W comes in. He is trying to talk me into having a C-section, I am already freaked and attached to monitors and confused and willing to have anything that would stop me from being scared. So... OK baby's in distress... C-section a go! except.. I had breakfast that morning and have to wait till the afternoon to digest it. I am strapped to the monitors all day anxiously waiting for the surgery to begin.
Worse and worse T has to work that night! He calls my beloved parents who drop everything and rush down to Laguna.
We wait and wait and wait and then... The anaesthesiologist makes his appearance and the "procedure" is a go.
It was so weird! I was laid on the table. (frankly I felt like a dolphin or a corpse from CSI) and numbed. They put up a blue screen, like something straight out of the movies. T thinks the baby was created by the Rand corporation since he didn't see him come out. He just saw me, screen and then grey and green baby. (anyone remember the Warner brother cartoon about "Yob, Yob, That's my baby?") I felt tugging, pulling, nausea, fear. A song from Rent played on the radio. T says he saw my guts stacked alongside me. Then at 4:42 Lionel was pulled out of a neat little opening in my belly and made a tiny cry. I think I stopped breathing. T was rushed away and he cut the cord, I met little L but had to stay put while they sewed me back together....
Everything seemed to be OK, they even wanted me to nurse, but then....

Oh, but it's hard....!

Yes, the baby is born. He is a beautiful little boy named Lionel Laurance, and he has taken over his mothers life.
T and I went to go see Christmas Carol at SCR on the 19th of December. We stayed out late and had dinner at Norms. That night I felt a horrible pain that lasted about 15 minutes, A contraction? No, I thought, it didn't repeat itself and it didn't last.
The next day i have a doctors appointment. T is out so I ask his mom to accompany me because I feel a little funny, odd, not altogether myself. I go to the OB's and he checks me out, seems to think everything is ok, until I say, "I haven't felt the baby move very much today." Dr Woody's face wrinkles with imperceptible worry, and he sends me to the hospital for a Non-stress test for the baby.
So Miriam and I go, both of us sure that it's nothing. But as I lie in the bed getting my fetal movements measured, the nurse gets more and more concerned. She says she's , "not liking what she sees, too many valleys." I don't even know what that means! My Doc comes in near the end of the test and gives me the choice to stay the night or go home. He also mentions a C-section, and how it would be RIGHT for someone in my condition.
I choose to go home convinced that everything will right itself by the morning. The baby isn't even due for ten days. We aren't ready.